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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23832250">The Parks of Being a Wallflower</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xPenguinQueenx/pseuds/xPenguinQueenx'>xPenguinQueenx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>LOONA (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Underage Drinking, chuuves and viseul sprinkles, hyewon, lots of gowon and yves bonding, more of an ot12 i think</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:34:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,125</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23832250</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xPenguinQueenx/pseuds/xPenguinQueenx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gowon is good at denying her feelings, Yves just wants her to be happy, and Olivia has a crush.</p><p> </p><p>or</p><p> </p><p>Gowon learns to love herself</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu, Jo Haseul/Viian Wong | ViVi, Park Chaewon | Go Won/Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>274</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Parks of Being a Wallflower</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Dear friend, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m writing to you because Yves says you will listen. Please don’t try to find out who I am; I don’t want you to do that. It’s nice, to talk to someone who doesn’t see me as the kid who spent the last year talking to a therapist instead of going to class. I like to think you won’t see me as the weird kid like the others do. I hope it’s okay to think that of you. I’m hoping that writing to you will give me confidence to turn things around. You see, I start my first day at a new school tomorrow, and I’m not sure how it will go. Yves says I can sit with her at lunch at least, but she and Chuu are… clingy.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>````</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Gowon comes to find that she has little love for the food served at lunch at her new school. The pizza is greasy, the apples have spots, and the salad is certainly not green. Yves says she should bring her own lunch from now on, but Gowon isn’t sure how to tell Yves that she just can’t anymore. Her mom packed her lunch for her before.</p><p>Chuu, bless her cousin’s girlfriend, offers to share her food with her, but Gowon hates the smell of the salmon Chuu offers. She politely declines and sends Yves a pleading look. Yves doesn’t notice, too busy stuffing her mouth full of noodles. Chuu sticks her elbow into her ribs and Yves coughs her ramen back into the bowl. Gowon then decides she’d rather not eat her cousin’s food.</p><p>“Yves?” Yves hums, grabbing at the noodles she just spit out with her chopsticks. “Can I borrow some money for the vending machine?”</p><p>The oldest girl sighs at another disruption to her meal, pulling a wallet from her back pocket. She pulls a couple bills out, pulling them back when Gowon reaches for them. “Pick something healthy. You haven’t grown in six years and it’s because you only eat candy.”</p><p>Gowon pouts, pocketing the money. Chuu gives a friendly wave as she walks away to find something to eat. She really hopes there’s chocolate.</p><p>She spots the machine quickly, hidden just behind the wall leading to the hallway, next to the water fountain. Gowon surveys her options, eyes lingering on the chocolate bar. She puts in her money, hesitating to push in the buttons for the candy. It feels like a betrayal to take Yves’ money and spend it on something she specifically told her not to.</p><p>With a sad sigh, Gowon pushes the letter and number for the banana bread instead. She watches the metal slide around and around, but her snack doesn’t fall. She gives the machine a tiny smack, hoping the small amount of strength she has is enough.</p><p>It’s not.</p><p>She slumps forward, resting her forehead against the vending machine. Gowon feels cheated, and even worse, she’s sure Yves will think she’s a liar when she comes back with no snack or money.</p><p>“Hey, are you gonna stand there all day?” A quiet, almost unsure voice asks.</p><p>Gowon jumps back, embarrassed at having been caught in such a state. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get in the way.”</p><p>The newcomer is quiet, staring at Gowon contemplatively. Gowon begins to feels a bit uncomfortable from the silence, but then the girl’s lip tilts just the slightest in amusement. “Did it not drop your food?”</p><p>When Gowon shakes her, the new girl steps around her and toward the back of the machine. To the wall outlet to be exact.  “What are you…”</p><p>The girl pulls the plug from the wall, the glow from the machine going out. Gowon can do nothing but blink, baffled by this stranger’s actions. She pushes the plug back in seconds later, and Gowon can hear something dropping to the bottom of the vending machine.</p><p>“It gets stuck sometimes.”</p><p>She offers no other explanation, merely dipping down to grab Gowon’s treat from the bottom flap and handing it to her clumsily. Gowon tries not to shy away when she touches the pretty girl’s fingers. The girl doesn’t seem to notice, immediately turning to put her own money into the machine.</p><p>Gowon stands there for a few moments, watching. She notices things she usually doesn’t pay attention to when meeting people, like the small crinkle of her nose as she frustratedly types her snack of choice, and the way she presses her triangular lips together, as if concentrating. Gowon isn’t really sure why she stares, but she knows it must be rude. Still, she can’t find it in her to turn away.</p><p>“Are you just gonna watch me?” Gowon assumes the girl is talking to her.</p><p>“Oh.” She blinks a few times. “I-uh- I wanted to say thank you.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.” The stranger takes her own snack from the bottom flap, eyeing Gowon strangely. Gowon thinks that might be a dismissal. She’s not sure. </p><p>“Well.” Gowon clenches her skirt tightly, a nervous habit that annoys Yves for some reason. “Thanks. I’ll be going now.”</p><p>The stranger is in the middle of tearing her chocolate bar’s covering apart with her teeth, not seeming to really pay attention to Gowon. She takes that as her cue to leave.</p><p>She doesn’t make it very far, the stranger’s voice stopping her. “Hey.”</p><p>Gowon turns, praying she doesn’t appear too excited. “Yes?”</p><p>“What’s your name?” The girl tilts her head questioningly. Gowon would almost say she looks like a puppy doing so. </p><p>“Gowon.”</p><p>“Mm.” She nods. “I’m Olivia.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>```</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Dear friend, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I met a girl today. She swooped in and saved my banana bread like a true hero. Chuu warned me against falling for a stranger I don’t even know, but I told her that there’s no reason for her to worry. There’s no feelings there. None at all. That would be weird. Yves seemed excited about my new friend, but she kept looking at me weirdly. I think she still worries about me too much. Or maybe its the right amount. Either way, it gets difficult remembering last year, and although Yves doesn’t do it on purpose, she brings back the memories of it a lot. Not in words; it’s the way she coddles me, like I’m some sort of silly girl that needs protecting still. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Anyways, I think you’d like her. Come to find out, she’s in the drama club that Yves’ friends, Haseul and Jinsoul, are in. They’re friends with Oliva too. Yves has been inviting Haseul and Jinsoul and all their friends to hang out with us at lunch, and now we barely have room with how many people sit with us. It’s nice, not having to drown in my thoughts anymore.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’ll still write to you, of course, but it’s nice having other people around who don’t think I’m weird. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ``` </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“You like Olivia, huh?” Jinsoul’s words are gentle and curious as she plops down in the seat next to her, but Gowon’s body stiffens.</p><p>Gowon offers a nonverbal response; a shrug of the shoulders. It doesn’t satisfy Jinsoul.</p><p>“Why else would you be sitting here watching the theater club rehearse?” She slumps down, knocking her long legs into Gowan’s. </p><p>“Maybe I just like watching-” She wants to say ‘my friends’, but Gowon doesn’t know if she’s allowed to call them that. They’re really Yves’ friends, aren’t they? “-the acting.”</p><p>“Oh?” Jinsoul raises an eyebrow. It makes Gowon nervous. “Anyone in particular’s acting?”</p><p>“No!” She quickly denies, accidentally hitting Jinsoul’s knee again in her haste to straighten her body. “I’m just… I’m taking notes.”</p><p>“You want to act then?” Jinsoul smiles deviously, like she knows that she’s caught Gowon in a lie. </p><p>Gowon won’t give her the satisfaction. “Yes, I’ve always dreamed of acting for your information.”</p><p>Jinsoul hums, leaning her head to the side to get a better look at Gowon. “Well, we just so happen to have an open spot. I’ll sign you up.”</p><p>Gowon gulps quite loud, she’s sure Jinsoul hears. “Fine.”</p><p>Jinsoul’s grin reminds her of that cat from that silly story her mother used to read her. Gowon wonders if that makes her the girl that fell in the hole. What was her name… Alice?</p><p>“Great!” Jinsoul makes a show of standing up, grabbing the attention of those on stage with her loud voice. “Looks like we have a newbie!”</p><p>All heads turn in their direction. It makes Gowon want to curl up in a ball and hide away from the curious gazes, but Jinsoul grabs her arm, pulling her up and toward the stairs. Gowon has to walk double the speed she normally does to keep up with Jinoul’s large strides.</p><p>“This is Gowon.” Jinsoul tosses her to the center of the stage. “She’s going to be joining us.”</p><p>She waits for the strange looks, but Gowon is shocked to see the happy glances and excited whispers.</p><p>Jinsoul gives her a harsh pat to the back. “Welcome to the club.”</p><p>Gowon thinks about hitting her, but an ecstatic Haseul interrupts her violent thoughts. She supposes she can behave as long as Haseul is smiling at her like that.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>```</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Dear friend, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The theater club is actually really fun, and even though Jinsoul keeps pestering me about Olivia, it’s not too annoying. Even if she’s wrong. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> We’ve also switched lunch tables now. With the latest addition of Yeojin, Haseul’s little sister, we have eleven people trying to cram together. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yves says they used to always sit together until everyone started getting so busy. Not the freshmen, of course, but apparently they had another friend that’s away for college now that sat with them all the time as well. I wonder if I’ll ever get to meet her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Olivia is a good actress, much better than me. Haseul says Olivia might just take over her place as captain next year. Here’s hoping I can impress her enough that she won’t kick me out after Haseul and Jinsoul are gone next year then. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> ``` </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Have you never been to a party before?” Heejin seems bewildered by the thought, but her tone is kind. </p><p>Hyunjin, firmly attached to Heejin’s shoulder, gives her an oddly blank look. Gowon thinks it’s funny how most of their classmates are unnerved by Hyunjin’s silence when it brings her such calm. She likes that Hyunjin doesn’t always need to fill the air with mindless chatter, yet somehow keeps Gowon’s mind away from things she doesn’t want to think about.</p><p>“No, my parents never let me.”</p><p>Heejin furrows her brow. “They’re fine with it now?”</p><p>Gowon opens her mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. She breathes in, licking her lips unconsciously. “I-uh- I live with Yves now. So... they don’t know.” </p><p>Hyunjin elbows her best friend when it looks like Heejin is going to question her more. Gowon hopes she doesn’t look as uncomfortable as she feels.</p><p>“Well then!” Heejin claps, effortlessly moving on from the previous topic. “Let me and Hyunjin take care of you tonight.” Gowon allows Heejin to lead her away with her free hand, Hyunjin shooting her a look full of pity and amusement. </p><p>Heejin takes her to the living room filled with people. Gowon doesn’t know most of them, barely knows Heejin and Hyunjin if she’s being honest with herself. She doesn’t like being the new girl because even though she doesn’t know anyone, they all seem to know her in some way or another. The fact that she’s Yves’ cousin makes it worse. She hadn’t realized Yves was so popular when she transferred.</p><p>When Heejin shoves her to the empty couch and offers to grab her a drink, Gowon merely nods in acceptance. Hyunjin flops down next to her, placing a comforting arm around the, admittedly smaller, girl. Vaguely, she wonders if she’d have grown to Hyunjin’s height if she had just eaten healthier, or at the very least, something other than candy for her breakfasts.</p><p>“Heejin and I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to.” Hyunjin assures her. “So if you get uncomfortable just tell me. She gets a little pushy, but it’s not on purpose. She just wants you to have fun.”</p><p>The admittance confuses her. “Why? You guys barely know me.”</p><p>Hyunjin hums, removing her arm in favor of leaning away to get more comfortable. Gowon remains rigid in her seat. “You… don’t seem very happy in class, and Haseul says you’re still not completely comfortable around everyone during theater club practice. The only place you don’t seem to constantly be on guard is when you’re next to Yves so…” She doesn’t finish the thought. She’s glad Hyunjin lets it go. “What I’m saying is… you can let go around us. No judgment here. We just want you to relax, enjoy yourself.”</p><p>It’s the most Gowon has ever heard Hyunjin speak at one time, and it was surprisingly nice. Plus, she didn’t bark or meow at her a single time. Gowon is impressed. </p><p>“Thank you.” Gowon whispers, eyes falling to the ground. She’s not sure she can look at Hyunjin when she’s pretty sure there are tears in the corner of her eyes.</p><p>She doesn’t notice Heejin return until a cup is firmly shoved into her hand, and a new weight pushes on her other side. Heejin is grinning at her brightly, and Hyunjin gives her a small, encouraging nod of the head when she turns back.</p><p>Gowon drinks.</p><p>It’s not as bad as she would have thought. Still disgusting, don’t get her wrong, but she can keep it down without gagging. Hyunjin gives her a congratulatory slap to the back and Heejin wraps her arms around her neck, refusing to let go until Hyunjin pushes her off.</p><p>“Warm,” Gowon mutters. She’s not sure if she means the alcohol sliding down her throat or the girls on both her sides.</p><p>Later, when Gowon is on her second cup, her cousin’s girlfriend makes an appearance with her best friend, Kim Lip. Chuu makes a big deal out of Gowon drinking, making the girls at her sides promise to watch after her. Gowon wants to kiss Kim Lip when she eventually tears Chuu away, telling her to ‘<em> let Gowon live a little, Chuu.’  </em></p><p>Of course, her slightly muddled brain tells her it’s a bad thought. No kissing, especially not girls. Bad thought.</p><p>Familiar faces come and go while Gowon sips away from the red solo cup. She’s not sure what Heejin did to the second cup, but it’s less tasty than the first, and a lot stronger. She wonders if she’s tipsy yet. Maybe that’s why she can hear her head pounding.</p><p>Heejin pulls her away from the couch once she’s finished her drink, and takes her to a flight of stairs. Gowon stumbles a few times going down the steps and arms steady her from behind. She assumes that it’s Hyunjin because even though Gowon has only known them for a short time, she knows that where Heejin goes, Hyunjin follows.</p><p>There’s a large group of people in the basement, all sitting together in a circle. An empty bottle sits in the middle. The group cheers at the sight of them.</p><p><br/>“Come to join us?” Jinsoul peeks her head around an unfamiliar boy. Gowon had seen her pass by earlier in a small group, but she hadn’t been sure where her upperclassmen had gone. “We’ve got room for more.”</p><p>Jinsoul seems to be watching her for an answer, and when Gowon looks for Heejin and Hyunjin’s opinion, they’re already staring at her, as if waiting for her to decide. </p><p>“Sure.” Gowon shrugs, trying not to make it into a big deal. “I’ve never played before.”</p><p>There’s a playfully scandalized gasp from somewhere in the circle, and it’s only then that Gowon realizes that there’s more of her lunch buddies (because she still doesn’t know if she’s allowed to call them friends) in the circle. Kim Lip is directly beside Jinsoul, and Haseul and Oliva sit off to the left, only a few people between them.</p><p>Vaguely, she wonders where Choerry is since she and Olivia tend to flock to one another.</p><p>Gowon let’s Heejin pull her into the circle, directly across from Jinsoul and Kim Lip. There’s three people between her and Olivia, but that doesn’t stop her addled mind from panicking at the sort-of close proximity. </p><p>“Where’s Chuu?” Gowon eventually manages.</p><p>Kim Lip chuckles at the two girls trying to fit into the single slot next to Gowon. “Went to see her girlfriend, I guess. She doesn’t like leaving Yves alone for long.” Her face scrunches up. “Well, I guess you already know that.”</p><p>She doesn’t question that Kim Lip already knows that she lives with Yves now. She’s more surprised that Heejin and HYunjin didn’t already know. Yves makes it seem like the little group are a lot closer than Gowon had assumed.</p><p>“Yeah.” Gowon nods, thinking about all the times she’s caught them making out, and all the times she’s warned them to be careful. Yves always gives her a strange look, telling her there’s nothing for them to be careful about. “They’re gross.”</p><p>Kim Lip laughs loudly at that. Gowon reels back from the noise, not expecting such a roar to leave the girl’s mouth. </p><p>Hyunjin seems to have enough of Heejin’s bickering and merely sits down, pulling Heejin down into her lap. Heejin lets out a squeak right into Gowon’s ear as she settles her arms around Hyunjin’s neck. Gowon is beginning to suspect tonight might just be a conspiracy to break her eardrums.</p><p>“Hey!” Olivia reaches her foot over, kicking at Jinsoul’s leg. “Spin already!”</p><p>Jinsoul gives her ankle a firm smack, seeming pleased when Olivia pulls back and complains to Haseul. “You’re just excited for a chance with the new players.”</p><p>Gowon doesn’t know what to make of the statement, too busy trying to fight off Heejin’s hands trying to pinch at her face. As far as she knows, she, Heejin, and Hyunjin are the only new players. Jinsoul’s statement doesn’t make sense, and Gowon chalks it down to alcohol.</p><p>Jinsoul spins the bottle, lamenting when it lands on an acne covered boy to her right. “A boy, great.” Said boy mumbles an apology, but Jinsoul laughs it off. </p><p>Gowon doesn’t understand. Girls are supposed to be happy to kiss boys. </p><p>Jinsoul kisses him anyways, a little peck. The boy turns bright pink, and Jinsoul falls into Kim Lip’s side afterwards, not seeming affected at all. </p><p>The acne ridden boy spins the bottle and it lands on another boy, older and a little taller, sitting by Olivia’s side. He groans, complaining about having to kiss another boy when there’s so many girls he could have landed on. </p><p>Finally, a reaction Gowon thinks makes sense.</p><p>The two do end up sharing a small peck, practically running away from one another when it’s over. The group laughs at their obvious displeasure, taking a few minutes to tease them. When the laughter dies down the older boy next to Olivia spins, crossing his fingers.</p><p>“Yes!” He yells, fist pumping the air.</p><p>Gowan blinks, staring at the bottle pointing at her.</p><p>“Oh.” She eyes the stranger wearily.</p><p>Hyunjin elbows her, looking very serious all of a sudden. “Only if you want to.”</p><p>“I-” It’s a chance for her to change things around, to make her mother proud. “It’s okay.”</p><p>The strange boy comes to her, knees probably sore from the way he shuffles over on the carpet. “Hi.”</p><p>“Hi.” She smiles gently, stomach suddenly turning itself upside down at the thought of what’s about to happen.</p><p>“Can I?” He’s polite, and very handsome now that Gowon has gotten a good look at him. She should be thrilled she’s going to kiss someone like this boy.</p><p>“Yes,” She whispers.</p><p>He gives her a wide, boyish grin before laying a hand gently under her jaw, pulling her in to meet his lips. It’s not chaste, but certainly not too long either. Gowan feels his tongue poke at her bottom lip just before she pulls away. She feels a bit sick now.</p><p>He looks proud when a few of them start cheering, someone even whistles. Gowon doesn’t know what to make of it all.</p><p>“Hey.” Heejin is watching her, just like the rest of the room. “You get to spin now.”</p><p>Gowon reaches out, grasping the bottle tightly. She spins, praying it doesn’t land on the handsome boy again. She thinks she might actually throw up on him.</p><p>“Oh.” She repeats, this time staring into pretty, dark eyes. </p><p>Jinsoul barks out a laugh from across the circle, using Kim Lip’s shoulder to muffle the next few when Gowon gives her a dangerous look in return. She’d really appreciate Jinsoul keeping her thoughts on Gowon’s feelings to herself. Not that she has any particular feelings.</p><p>“Um.” Gowon shuffles in place when Olivia merely stares. Admittedly, it’s a bit cute, the way Olivia’s mouth drops when Gowon speaks. “We don’t have to.”</p><p>“No!” Olivia jumps from the sound of her own voice. “I-we can.”</p><p>A pink tint coats her cheeks, and Gowon just knows the girl feels embarrassed from her yell. Still, the girl powers through, shuffling over on her knees like the handsome boy from before had. Although Olivia is just as nice looking, she is not polite like the boy, taking Gowon’s face with both her hands and practically smashing their lips together. </p><p>Gowon squeaks into her mouth, not expecting the force. She’s pretty sure her teeth caught Olivia’s top lip because she tastes a hint of copper, but the girl persists until Gowon’s hesitance fades away and they settle into a steady rhythm, despite Olivia’s obvious inexperience.</p><p>She leans away to take a breath and Olivia seems to think the kiss is over, settling back on her heels. Gowon pulls her back in quickly, forgetting about the people surrounding them as she places a tiny kiss to Olivia’s top lip, an apology for earlier.</p><p>“Sorry.” Gowon finally lets her go, settling her thumb against the spot her tooth caught. “Did that hurt?” Olivia stares, almost as if she has forgotten how to speak. “Olivia?”</p><p>The girl startles at the sound of her name. “No, I- it didn’t hurt.”</p><p>Gowon nods, taking back her hand. Olivia goes back to her spot, tossing one last look in her direction before spinning the bottle. She tries not to acknowledge the way her throat closes up when she watches it land on Haseul.</p><p>“Sorry, not playing.” Haseul smirks at the disappointed room. “I’m just here to watch over Olivia.”</p><p>Gowon tries to dismiss the feeling of relief when Jinsoul declares Olivia’s turn over after her spin. There’s no reason for her to feel relieved that Olivia’s turn has been cut short, but she admits that she’s glad she doesn’t have to watch the dark haired girl kiss anyone else. She just doesn’t want to think about why that might be.</p><p>“Who wants to go next?”</p><p>Gowon can feel Jinsoul staring her down, but Gowon can’t bare to look at her because she can’t believe what just happened.</p><p>“Fine. Lip, your turn.”</p><p>Gowon kissed a nice, respectful, handsome boy, and felt sick. She kissed an impulsive, terrible kissing girl, and felt more alive than she has in her entire life.</p><p> </p><p>```</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Dear friend, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I don’t like girls. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> ``` </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Yves has never claimed to be the smartest person in the room, but even she can pick up on the subtle changes at lunch. Olivia is not in her usual seat next to Choerry, instead sitting in Jinsoul’s regular spot. Sure, it’s only one seat away from her regular spot, but it’s still strange, especially when the second youngest of their group keeps staring at her cousin.</p><p>“So.” Yves decides to let it go for now. “How was the party? Chuu said there was a big game of Spin the Bottle happening when she left.”</p><p>There’s a shift in the air, and Yves is left confused once again. She tries to catch Jinsoul’s gaze because the girl has always been her right hand (wo)man. Luckily for her, Jinsoul seems happy to share.</p><p>“Olivia and Gowon made out in front of everyone.” </p><p>Gowon coughs into her cup, juice spilling from her lips and back into the plastic container. It’s quite disgusting, and definitely something Yves has done. Still, she’d rather not think of all the unflattering similarities she and Gowon share.</p><p>“We did not!” Olivia sputters, face turning an odd shade of red.</p><p>Jinsoul snorts, ruffling Olivia’s hair. “You’re right. <em> You </em> smashed your face into hers and Gowon, the sweetheart that she is, saved you from looking like a moron.”</p><p>Olivia protests, her voice doing that high pitched whine that Yves really finds confusing since the girl looks like she could kill someone and actually get away with it. Gowon is busy trying to hide her face with her hair.</p><p>Yves nudges her, voice low. “Snatching up girls, huh?”</p><p>Gowon frowns. Yves doesn’t like that look on her face. Contrary to belief, Yves doesn’t really like any look except happiness on her cousin’s annoying face.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Yves thinks about leaving it, but she’s always been too nosy for her own good. “Well, if you <em> were </em> to do that, Olivia is pr-”<br/>“I <em> don’t </em> like girls.” Her cousin hisses.</p><p>Yves blinks, confused. She’s not sure what’s gotten into Gowon. Three months ago she had sobbed into Yves shoulder, admitting to her that she wasn’t attracted to guys like she was supposed to be. Now Gowon seems to be taking back the admittance.</p><p>Of course, Yves knew before that night that Gowon liked girls, even if she hasn’t directly admitted it. It’s why she was staying with her family in the first place, but that was the first, and only, time Gowon and talked to any of them about it. She’s not sure what happened to make her fall back into denial.</p><p>Gowon sighs heavily, seeming to sink into herself as the others at the table bickered. Yves lets it go, instead wrapping an arm around the tiny girl and placing a quick kiss to her temple. “Okay, butterfly.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>```</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Dear friend, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Olivia is sweet. She helps me practice, even when it’s obvious she’s already memorized every single line in the play. Haseul always offers to take over when Olivia looks tired, but Olivia never lets her. Sometimes I help her with her classes to make up for all the help.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She’s fun. I tag along with her and Choerry when Heejin and Hyunjin are busy. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She’s pretty. Like, really, really pretty. I stare more than I should, but that doesn’t mean I have a crush or anything. I like boy. Just boys. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> ``` </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Hello Gowon.”  Miss Jung has a kind smile, like always. “It’s been a while since our last session. How have you been?”</p><p>The therapists watches her eagerly from her much too large chair. Gowon is glad she’s allowed on the couch and not in a similar seat. She’s sure she would get lost in the giant cushion.</p><p>“Better.” Gowon shrugs, twiddling with her fingers. “I’ve made a lot of friends.”</p><p>“Really? Tell me about them.” Miss Jung, or Jessica as she keeps telling Gowon to call her, twirls her pen in her hand.</p><p>She’s always been a bit intimidating, and when she watches Gowon like she is, like she’s ready to tear all of Gowon’s secrets to the surface, she feels unnerved. She knows that Miss Jung is just trying to help her, that’s what Yves keeps reminding her, but Gowon hates how easily she removes the information she wants from Gowon’s mouth. She doesn’t need to tear anything because Gowon tends to have a bad case of word vomit around this woman.</p><p>“Well…” Gowon isn’t sure where to start really, so she just lets her words go. “Yves and Chuu are still watching over me like always. I joined the theater club because of Jinsoul and met Haseul and Olivia. I went to my first party with Heejin and Hyunjin- they’re in my grade- and it was really fun. We played spin the bottle. I kissed a nice boy, and Olivia too, but it didn’t mean anything- “ Gowon notes the way Miss Jung jots something down on her little notebook. “-and I’ve been talking with Choerry a lot too. She’s Olivia’s best friend. I’m not very close to Kim Lip and Yeojin yet, but I think I will be. I like them a lot…”</p><p>Miss Jung lets her go on for another few minutes without interruption. Gowon recalls all the little things that have slowly been brightening her world, and Miss Jung seems thrilled at each encounter she speaks of.</p><p>“Well, you’ve certainly been doing better since you’ve started living with Yves.” The therapist continues to write things that Gowon can only guess about.</p><p>“Yes, but I’d like to go home eventually.” Gowon admits.</p><p>The pen stops quite suddenly. “You.. Want to go home?”</p><p>She nods emphatically. “Yes. I told you, didn’t I? I kissed a boy.”</p><p>Miss Jung takes a sharp inhale, face falling in a way that makes Gowon think she’s disappointed. “Gowon, what’s going on? The last time we talked, you were hesitant, but you seemed happy when you told me you admitted you didn’t like boys. Why the change of heart?”</p><p>Gowon hums. “I must have been mistaken. It’s okay to be confused, right? You told me so.”</p><p>“Yes, I did, but this is a very… sudden… change of emotion.” Miss Jung sets her pen and notebook aside. Gowon wonders if she should be thankful that the woman has stopped her notes or afraid that her attention is completely on her now. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with you finding someone you actually have feelings for, would it? Like this Olivia?”</p><p>“No.” Gowon’s response is immediate. “I barely know Olivia.”</p><p>“Oh really?” Miss Jung reaches over, flipping through her small notebook. “Because you’ve mentioned her by name at least six times already this session.”</p><p>“Because she’s my friend.”</p><p>“I thought you barely knew her?”</p><p>“I-” Gowon stops when she feels a sharp pinch to her legs. It’s from her own hand, fingers tightly clutching the fabric of her skirt. She squeezes again, skin pinching together. “I don’t want to be gay.”</p><p>The older woman’s forehead wrinkles. “It’s not something you choose, Gowon.”</p><p>“I know.” Gowon isn’t that dumb. She’s aware you can’t change something like that. “I just want my parents to love me again.”</p><p>“Gowon, you’re surrounded by people who love you.” Miss Jung almost sounds sad. “You and your feelings are valid, with or without your parents approval.</p><p>She likes Miss Jung because she doesn’t lie to her. She doesn't tell her things that will make her feel better just because. She doesn’t tell her that her parents will accept her because she doesn’t know. She doesn’t tell Gowon that everything will be alright one day, she doesn’t know that. However, she is right about one thing.</p><p>“Yves loves me,” She whispers. </p><p>“Yes.” The woman in the entirely too large chair nods. “Yves loves you, and from what you’ve told me, you have a lot of new friends that care about you too.”</p><p>Gowon doesn’t say anything for a long time, and Miss Jung lets her sit, never pushing her for more. Eventually, the timer goes off and Gowon’s session has ended. “Same time next Friday, Gowon?”</p><p>She gets up from her chair slowly, thoughts flying too fast to make sense of most of them. “Actually, can we start doing weekly appointments?”</p><p>Miss Jung seems surprised by the question, but nods quickly. “Of course.”</p><p>“Okay.” Gown sends a small wave, retreating to the door. “Thank you, Miss Jung.”</p><p>She wonders if the woman is right. Maybe she doesn’t have to have her parent’s love, as much as that hurts to think.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>```</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Dear friend, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’ve been seeing Miss Jung a lot more lately. She’s the newer therapist, not the one my parents hired to… help me… with my feelings. Things have been better lately; I’m not as scared anymore, I guess. I don’t want to talk about it yet, but I think I might talk to my friends about what happened. I know they all want to know why I suddenly live with Yves, and I feel like they won’t judge me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I sat down and talked with Yves after I caught her and Chuu making out again (gag). I asked her why she and Chuu were so open about their relationship and she… gave me a lot to think about. I think I’d like to have something like that one day. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> ``` </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Gowon doesn’t know who this Vivi is, but all of the girls, sans her, Choerry, and Olivia, seem excited to see her. When she asked the other two, they didn’t seem to have any idea who the girl is. Yeojin knows her though, so Gowon assumes she must be a friend of Haseul. Maybe the friend Yves had told her about being in college.</p><p>So here they all are, packed together in the corner of some tiny diner that Hyunjin says has the best bread in the world, waiting on this Vivi. They have to spread out in three different tables to fit everyone and somehow Gowon ends up with Haseul and Yeojin. </p><p>Yves and Chuu are, like always, right next to each other, and Jinsoul and Kim Lip sit across from them. Heejin, Hyunjin, Olivia, and Choerry have their own table, and are much quieter than the ‘almost adults’ table. Gowon feels blessed that she’s with the sisters and not her cousin.</p><p>“I can’t wait to see Vivi!” Yeojin is practically vibrating in her seat next to Gowon. “Do you think she’ll be able to stay for the weekend? I wanted to show her this new show!”</p><p>Gowon tries to keep up with Yeojin’s grilling, but Yeojin has too much energy for her to truly understand what’s going on. Haseul takes her sister in stride, interjecting only when Yeojin genuinely seems to want an answer and isn’t just mindlessly rambling</p><p>“Yeojin.” Haseul eventually cuts her off. “I’m sure Vivi would love to spend some time with you, but I also want time with her.”</p><p>Yeojin deflates, but only the slightest. “Fine, but I still wanna show Vivi my-”</p><p>“Your what?” A new, quiet voice interrupts.</p><p>Heads turn, and Gowon only has a moment to look at the strange, pretty girl before people are rushing up to hug her. They’re obnoxiously loud, loud enough that they get a few dirty looks from strangers.</p><p>Olivia catches her eye, sharing her confusion at the cacophony. Gowon shrugs, raising an eyebrow and covering her ears with her hands. She mentally claps for herself when Olivia smiles at her.</p><p>She’s surprised to see Haseul still sitting across from her, eyeing the boisterous group with something akin to fondness. Or maybe at the cause of the noise, actually.</p><p>“Haseul?” Gowon calls.</p><p><br/>Haseul seems to have to force herself to turn away from the girl in the middle of their friends. “Yes?”</p><p>“Who is that?”</p><p>Haseul laughs gently, a slow smile spreading across her entire face. There’s a glint in her eyes that Gowon doesn’t think she’s ever seen before. “That’s Vivi. My girlfriend.”</p><p>Gowon blinks. “Oh.”</p><p> </p><p>----</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Vivi, it turns out, not only has the appearance of an angel, but the voice of one too. They had all shared a light lunch, heading out for karaoke afterwards. It had been Chuu’s idea, but most of them had been entirely too happy to oblige.</p><p>Gowon is the only one that hasn’t taken a turn at the mic, but she’s not sure she could compare to the surprisingly strong voices from the others. Chuu and Heejin in particular would put her to shame.</p><p>“Not going to sing?” Vivi nudges her gently.</p><p>Gowon eyes the others in front of them, all singing and jumping in front of the screen. Only she and Vivi remain seated in the back, sharing exasperated looks when the girls get too rough with one another.</p><p>“I don’t think so. I like watching.” There’s one girl in particular she can’t take her eyes off of.</p><p>Vivi smiles, all gentle and soft. “I understand that.”</p><p>The older girl’s eyes shine bright, stuck on the tiny girl in the middle of the gathered group. She thinks it must be nice, to be able to watch the person you love without fear.</p><p>“Vivi?” Vivi’s attention is on her in an instant. “Where you and Haseul ever scared of people finding out about you?”</p><p>Vivi tilts her head, eyeing Gowon like she’s an interesting math problem that she hasn’t quite figured out yet. “All the time, but I got tired of being afraid.”</p><p>It’s such an honest and raw response that Gowon feels like she can only answer back by baring her own fears to the girl. “I- uh… I’m gay.”</p><p>It’s the first time Gowon has ever said it as such. She’d beat around the bush to Yves, and the girl had understood, but only after crying into her shoulder for feeling like such an abomination did she understand how much it affected Gowon. She’d told her parents she didn’t like boys, but they had inferred easily enough what it meant. She’d told Miss Jung she didn’t want to kiss boys, but she’s her <em> therapist </em>.</p><p> Gowon has never said that particular sentence before.</p><p>The older girl hums, gripping Gowon’s hand in her own. “Okay.”</p><p>And that’s it. No terribly sad sobbing and no epic congratulations on coming out. Vivi merely holds her hand, never once wavering in her quiet support, not even when Haseul sits down once the song finishes, stealing Vivi’s attention. Gowon wishes the rest of the world would react this way. Like it’s normal.</p><p>“Gowon!” Olivia is holding a mic out toward her. “Sing with me?”</p><p>Gowon grins, releasing Vivi’s hand. “Okay.”</p><p>She feels free for the first time in her life.</p><p> </p><p>```</p><p> </p><p>Yves stomps down the stairs, ready to strangle her parents for making so much noise in the kitchen after eleven o clock. She’s supposed to get up in the morning to take Gowon to school for early practice. Something about Olivia helping her perform a scene. She’s not certain that’s really the true goal considering her cousin perfected her lines weeks ago, but if it’ll keep a smile on her face then Yves supposes that it’s worth it.</p><p>“Mom! Dad! You’re going to wake up-” Yves freezes in the doorway. The noisy culprit is the last person she had expected. “-Gowon?”</p><p>The tiny blonde stops mid chop of a tomato. “Um. Hi?”</p><p>Yves glances around. She’s half expecting a camera to pop up with how strange the situation is. “What are you doing?”</p><p>Gowon shrugs, going back to chopping. “I’m making Olivia and I lunch for tomorrow.”</p><p>“Are you aware that you’re cutting that wrong?”</p><p>“What?” Gowon furrows her brow. “No, I’m not.”</p><p>Yves eyes the tomato. It’s cut into four separate pieces, and it’s obvious she’s tried to pick out the seeds with how mushed they look. “Yes, you definitely are. You’re supposed to slice them. How have you managed to mess up tomatoes?”</p><p>Gowon huffs, setting the knife down. “Fine! You do it then.”</p><p>“I will!” Yves growls, already feeling the irritation settle into her skin.</p><p>She kicks Gowon over, cutting it herself. Gowon makes herself busy by gathering the rest of the things she wants for what Yves assumes to be sandwiches. As least, she’s hoping that’s what Gowon is preparing. There’s no bread yet though, so Yves isn’t sure.</p><p>“It’s bad enough I’ve getting up early for you. Now I have to make you food?” She’s not serious of course, but Gowon doesn’t need to know that.</p><p>The tiny girl hums. “I could have done it myself.”</p><p>“No, you would have just cried about it not being good enough and begged me to do it in the morning instead.” Gowon doesn’t refute her this time. Yves counts it as a victory. “I don’t mind though.”</p><p>They work in silence, occasionally trading off ingredients. Gowon finally pulls the bread out to Yves’ relief, and offers to finish the sandwiches. Yves lets her, but starts working on cutting fruit when she notices that Gowon has nothing else to pack. She swears this girl would already be dead without her.</p><p>“Hey, Yves?” Gowon’s voice is low. Yves feel like they’re about to share a secret.</p><p>She lowers her voice as well. “Yeah?”</p><p>It takes a moment, but Gowon eventually whispers out a tiny, “I love you.”</p><p>Yves almost drops the knife, reaffirming her grip at the last second. “I love you too, butterfly.”</p><p>And if she sniffles into the younger girl’s hair when Gowon stumbles into her, her little arms pulling her in tight, they don’t mention it. And they sure don’t mention it to Yves’ parents in the morning when they ask them why they’re in such good moods when it’s so early.</p><p> </p><p>```</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Dear friend, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sorry I haven’t wrote to you in a while, but I have something to tell you. I like girls, and I really, really like Olivia.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I hope you won’t think less of me, but if you do, it doesn’t matter. I’m not afraid of who I am anymore. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> ``` </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Gowon really isn't paying attention during lunch today. She’s busy, staring at Olivia as the younger girl is throwing something from her container at Choerry. She laughs, loud and unpleasant, when Choerry screeches at her for getting whatever it was in her hair. Gowon thinks it might be one of the fruits Yves has been cutting for her and Olivia lately.</p><p>Jinsoul has most definitely caught onto her staring, but besides the eyebrow wiggling, she hasn’t done anything about it. She’s thankful for that at least. Gowon thinks Olivia might like her too, but until she gets a confirmation, she’s content to watch the girl laugh wickedly at her best friend.</p><p>Haseul is too busy typing away on her phone, and if Gowon had to guess by the large smile on her face, she’d say that the theater club leader is texting Vivi. </p><p>Gowon misses the older girl. Vivi had given her number to Gowon in case she had wanted to talk about her admission from that day at Karaoke, but Gowon scarcely gets to use it. Vivi is busy with college, and Gowon doesn’t want to disturb her too much.</p><p>Yves is busy peeling an orange for Yeojin while Chuu and Kim Lip are giggling to one another at the end of the table. Today must be a ‘ditch the girlfriend and hang out with your best friend’ day as Kim Lip so likes to call it nowadays. Yves doesn’t ever seem to mind, usually finding time with Jinsoul while they snicker and howl to one another. </p><p>Gowon doesn’t think she’s ever met anyone as loud as Kim Lip and Chuu. She likes it though.</p><p>Heejin and Hyunjin have skipped today for whatever reason. Probably to stare into each others eyes like sappy idiots. Gowon has started to catch on to the fact that those two might not be just close friends.</p><p>She’s so busy watching the others, but mostly Olivia, that she doesn’t notice the body hovering over her until Yves punches her shoulder. “Hi, Gowon.”</p><p>Gowon blinks at the towering figure. “Oh, it’s you”</p><p><br/>Her response is a little rude, but she hadn’t expected to talk to the boy from spin the bottle ever again. She knows that he’s a senior so she has little reason to see him during school and she certainly doesn’t go out of her way to speak with him in the halls.</p><p><br/>“Yeah, Eunwoo, remember?” He laughs the rude reply off. “We-uh- we played spin the bottle together?”</p><p>“Yes, you were very polite.”</p><p>“I try to be. It would be rude to kiss you without asking, would it?” His eyes are earnest, and Gowon believes he means it.</p><p>“I wouldn’t say it’s rude.” Her thoughts go back to the game, but definitely not to this Eunwoo. “We were playing a game, after all.”</p><p>Olivia certainly hadn’t hesitated in bringing their lips together, and although she wasn’t sure what to think about it back then, she’d certainly be okay with the younger girl doing it all over again. She’s not sure she should tell this boy that though.</p><p>Eunwoo smiles kindly. “I suppose you’re correct.”</p><p>There’s an awkward lull, and it’s then that Gowon notices the rest of the table watching them. Even Haseul has stopped typing, gazing at them with open curiosity. None of them seem too keen on her visitor.</p><p>“So-” He clears his throat, looking oddly nervous. “-I was actually wondering if you’d like to go on a date with me?”</p><p>“Me?” Gowon points to herself, looking around at all of her friends because surely he’s not talking to her.</p><p>He laughs, nerves seeming to roll away now. She hopes he hadn’t thought she would say something mean to him. Gowon can be a bit petty at times, but she’d never intentionally hurt someone’s feelings.</p><p>She takes a not so secret glance at Olivia. The younger girl’s face is blank, picking at her food disinterestedly. She turns back to the boy determinedly. “I’m actually interested in someone else at the moment.”</p><p>Eunwoo hums. “If he hasn’t asked you yet then maybe you wouldn’t mind giving me a chance?”</p><p>It’s an awfully brave choice of words, but he doesn’t seem to be pushing her. She can appreciate that, but she would like to make it clear that he has no chance here. “It’s not a he, actually.”</p><p>There’s a clatter from somewhere down the table. Someone dropping a fork maybe, but Gowon can imagine the shocked reaction from her friends without looking.</p><p>“Oh.” Realization spreads across his face. “I don’t think I can really compete here then, can I?”</p><p>Gowon smiles gently. “No, not really.”</p><p>Eunwoo rocks on his heels, hands in his pockets. “Well, I wish you luck with this lucky lady, Gowon.”</p><p>“Thank you, Eunwoo,” She replies genuinely.</p><p>He gives her a nod, walking away to the small group of boys waiting for him in anticipation. She recognizes a few of them, but can’t really recall any names. They seem sweet though.</p><p>She goes back to picking the sliced fruits from her container, trying to ignore the burning gazes of her friends.</p><p>Chuu is the one that eventually breaks the silence with a teasing inquiry. “It’s not me, right? I know I’m cute, but I’m very in love with you cousin.”</p><p>Gowon rolls her eyes, finally acknowledging her confession. “No, Chuu. I am not in love with you.”</p><p>Jinsoul scoffs. “Yeah, Chuu. Gowon likes younger girls anyways.”</p><p>Gowon gives her a death glare, never noticing Olivia’s curious eyes.</p><p> </p><p>```</p><p> </p><p>Gowon inserts her (Yves’) money, praying the machine gives her the banana bread in peace. “Please don’t get stuck.”</p><p>It seems the vending machine gods are on her side today because the banana bread packet falls from it’s spot and down to the bottom of the machine. She lifts the flap and snags her snack, happily tearing apart the plastic away.</p><p>“Are you trying to claim my favorite machine for yourself?”</p><p>Gowon startles, bread slipping from her grasp and onto the dirty floor. She gives a pitiful whine, realizing she’s wasted Yves’ money for the third time this week. Gowon is really going to have to get a job to pay her back.</p><p>“Oops.” Olivia furrows her brow. “My bad.”</p><p>Gowon gives her shoulder a shove, pouting. “What do I eat for lunch now?”</p><p>Olivia pulls a few wrinkled bills from her pocket. “I have extra.”</p><p><br/>Gowon’s mood picks up immediately. “Would you care to get me another banana bread?”</p><p>“You’ve brought me lunch twice already this week. I think I can handle a snack.” Olivia glides past her, inserting her money.</p><p>Gowon watches her intently. She wonders if she should finally make a move, ask Olivia out. Her stomach turns at just the thought, but not in a bad way. No, not at all. It’s like that night from the party all over again. She just wants more and more of Olivia all the time.</p><p>“Oli?” Gowon gives a tiny tug to Olivia’s sleeve.</p><p>“Hm?” Olivia dips down to grab the banana bread from the machine. She takes a step foreward. The younger girl seems startled by the proximity when she stands, head falling to meet Gowon’s intense gaze. Sometimes she forgets how tall Olivia is. “Gowon?”</p><p>“Can I ask you a question? And you promise not to freak out?” Gowon’s tummy practically flips upside down when she comprehends what she’s just done. </p><p>“Yeah, duh.” Olivia works on slipping the bread out of the plastic. </p><p>Gowon ignores the offer of the outstretched bread when Olivia finally manages to get past the plastic barrier. “Would you like to go out on a date with me?” Gowon feels a sense of deja vu when the bread drops to the ground, shock coloring Olivia’s face. “Is that a no?”</p><p>“I- what are- are you serious?” Olivia’s words are coated in anger.</p><p> Gowon feels like she swallowed a stone, forcing out a quiet, “Yes.”</p><p>Olivia huffs, crossing her arms. “That’s not fair! I came over to ask <em> you </em> out!”</p><p>Gowon’s mouth drops. “What?”</p><p>The younger girl gives a small stomp. “I was trying to be all smooth and romantic. I was hoping the machine would mess up, like the first time we met, and I was going to swoop in and save the day. And then I was going to offer to share a bunch of snacks with you using the money I made Yeojin give me.”</p><p>Gowon blinks. “You stole money from Yeojin?”</p><p>“Not important.” Olivia grumbles, eyes stuck to the floor. “The important part is that you stole my moment.”</p><p>She can’t help the slow smile that spreads over her lips when she notices the blush clinging to Olivia’s cheeks. It’s cute. “Fine. Forget it.”</p><p>Olivia looks up quickly, obviously panicked. “Wait-”</p><p>“Ask me.” Olivia blinks very slowly, like she hasn’t quite comprehended what Gowon is asking her to do. “Forget what I just said. Ask me.”</p><p>An excited glint coats Olivia’s eyes. “Okay.”</p><p>The dark haired girl hold her hands out, palms up. Gowon receives the message loud and clear, placing hers on top of the younger girl’s. Olvia gives them a firm squeeze, thumbs lingering on top. “Gowon.”</p><p>“Yes?” She tilts her head curiously and flutters her eyelashes cutely, like she has no idea what Olivia is about to say.</p><p>Olivia begins to laugh at her dramatic display, but holds it in the name of professionalism. Gowon thinks all those days of practicing lines together must have really improved their acting skills. “Park Gowon.”</p><p>“Olivia Hye.” She banters back.</p><p>“That day we first met, here, I didn’t actually want a snack. I just thought you were pretty.” Olivia looks a bit embarrassed by the admittance. Gowon can’t help but coo at her. “Stop looking at me like that! Look, I had a little crush on you for a while, and I could tell in the beginning that you weren’t…”</p><p>She trails off, but Gowon understands. She’s certain the others caught on to her not so subtle excuses to leave when Chuu and Yves would get touchy in the beginning. It wasn’t that she didn’t love Yves and Chuu for who they were, she just didn’t love herself yet. “I wasn’t okay with liking girls yet.”</p><p>Olivia nods. “Yeah, and that kind of sucked. But you went to the party and I thought… I thought I might be able to get you to look at me differently with that kiss, but I think it just made <em> me </em> look at <em> you </em>differently.” At Gowon’s confused look, she adds, “I realized it might be… more… than a little crush.”</p><p>Olivia shuffles uncertainly, but her gaze never wavers. Gowon blinks at the intense look, feeling very silly for not noticing Olivia’s affection for her until now when she’s certain Olivia has consistently been watching her like that. Perhaps she had been so scared of her own feeling that she had ignored Olivia’s.</p><p>“Then we started hanging out more, and I’m not sure what caused it, but you started looking at me different. Softer and more open, I think.”</p><p>Gowon nods. “Yes, after I talked with Vivi.”</p><p>“Vivi?” Oliva questions.</p><p>Gowon shakes her head. “Long story. One that I’ll tell you, but we’re in the middle of something.”</p><p>“Right.” Olivia  lets out a shaky laugh. “I was hoping that you were talking about me the other day. That you turned down Eunwoo down for me. It didn’t seem very likely though.”</p><p>Gowon tilts her head again, this time completely serious. “Why not?”</p><p>Olivia scoffs, looking at her like she’s crazy. “Because he’s one of the most popular boys here? And I’m just… me?”</p><p>Gowon tugs her forward. Olivia’s breath hitches, but Gowon throws away her desires to kiss her away fro a moment. This is something she needs Olivia to hear. “I like <em> ‘just’ </em> you. A lot, actually.”</p><p>“Really?” She’s never seen the girl look so unsure and shy. It’s awfully cute.</p><p>“Really.” Gowon nods. “And I was talking about you, obviously.”</p><p>Olivia smiles, all mushy like. Gowon makes a note to make fun of her for being so soft later. For now, she’ll bask in the face of such a pretty girl looking at her like that.</p><p>“Can I take you on a date then?” Olivia asks. “Jinsoul might have to drive us if you wanna go somewhere, but-”</p><p><br/>“Olivia.” Gowon cuts off. “I’d love to. We can do whatever you want.”</p><p>“Okay!” Olivia bounces on the heels of her feet, reminding her terribly of Yeojin. “I’ll plan something and let you know then.”</p><p>Gowon expects something else, anything really, besides Olivia dropping her hands and making a dash for the hallway. “Where are you going?”</p><p>Olivia stops, turning back. “To plan our date.”</p><p><br/>Gowon gapes. “You’re not going to even kiss me?”</p><p>Olivia wags a finger at her, voice teasing. “Before out first date? Who do you take me for?”</p><p>“We’ve already kissed!” Gowon stomps, accidentally smashing one of the banana breads with her tiny foot of rage.</p><p>“Then use that memory to get by until then!”</p><p>And with that, Olivia disappears, leaving Gowon in a stupor and surrounded by smashed bread.</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>```</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Dear friend, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I don’t think I’ll need to write to you anymore. Thank you for listening and never judging, but I have other people to tell my worries to now, and I know they won’t judge me either. You’ve helped a lot, and I think I’m actually really happy now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I have to go now. My girlfriend is waiting. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Gowon </em>
</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is another one that I'm not sure if I like the ending. This started off as a funny parody of the perks of being a wallflower starring Hyewon, but somewhere it turned into a journey of learning to love yourself. Not sure how, but here we are.</p><p>It's not edited well, but hopefully it isn't painful to read</p></blockquote></div></div>
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